What do we want?

I know that there could be so much debate about what we should or do want in life. Be it from a political, religious or personal perspective, I am convinced that these are always changing slightly. Even though I may have an understanding of things in my life, my knowledge is always increasing to some degree. 

So many people who studied with me or at least who were also studying within the years I was at music college have gone overseas to study further. When I see people doing this, I can't help but feel a little pang of jealousy. Who wouldn't right? I don't mean that I am not happy for them, just that perhaps I 'missed the boat' so to speak. I am married now and we have a bond to pay, none of this getting up and going overseas to study stuff. Right? But then, I think, "I am MARRIED and have a BOND to pay", I am the happiest I have ever been and we have a home to call our own and make our own and I love being married. 

Do I really want to go overseas and study? No. Not really. I would love to be able to play better, but if I'm not doing it here, who's to say that I would be doing any more over there. I don't enjoy studying. And how many of my 'musician' friends are doing the things that I am doing? Comparison is sooo dangerous. I think we all know that, but it's true to say that we all do it without even realising  it sometimes. The interwebs are great for increasing our knowledge and also making us look into the window of peoples lives through a shade-clothe. We see the best that they have to show and we don't see the person practising their scales and licks for ours in a room by themselves. Which is often a very lonely place to be. Of course it pays off, but then it's something they want and something they are willing to sacrifice for.

So what is it that I want? What is it that I was made to do with regards to music? They say those who can't do teach. But this is a TERRIBLE statement. I know so many amazing music teachers who can play pretty darn well. I want to be one of those. Maybe when I grow up???