Where is my head?

While I have been asking babies and toddlers for the last 3 months where their physical heads are, I have also been thinking about where my own head is at. It's a good thing to be constantly evaluating our lives, as that is the only way we can consciously make changes for the better. Today, being a Saturday, I went to work in the morning, and then when I came home, 2 hrs later, I sat on the couch and lounged around. I watched some Youtube and snacked, while my husband did some serious manual labour in the garden. 

Can you guess what I am going to say next? A part of me felt really guilty for doing nothing. Things like, 'don't be so lazy', 'you're missing the beautiful weather' and 'don't eat too much' were going through my head. The other part of me was so happy to be relaxing, with the sun beating down on me through the window and my favourite youtuber, organising her household and inspiring me on how I can organise my new home. It's funny how while all this is happening in the back of my head I was also thinking about how I need to vacuum the lounge again, fold up some washing and get stuck into our 'messy' room. I was also thinking about how I desperately need to practice my saxophone for an upcoming gig, and I need to unpack the dishwasher, make lunch, reply to emails and relax. RELAX! Wait, isn't that what I was doing? Then why on earth could I not stop feeling like I had to be doing something else?

I have seen a lot of people writing about being 'present' in the moment. Well, today, I have been greatly challenged by this. It is ok to do nothing at times, and it is ok to do things, even if they are meaningless to others (like decorate my 2016 diary). But to be present in those things, that is the challenge. Maybe it's because I am a woman and my mind is constantly multitasking? My husband is brilliant at all the things he does, but he usually does one thing at a time and does it well. Maybe the challenge is to become focused on doing one thing at a time and being present doing this one thing. So I challenge you out there, if you are relaxing, then enjoy it. If you are cooking, smell the deliciousness. If you are working, give it your all! But do what you are doing with your mind as well and not just your body.

Have a wonderful weekend everybody, enjoy the sunshine and the rugby! 

How do you answer rude questions?

The other day I googled something about whether flyers are a good advertising tool. Do they really work? What should be included on a flyer? These are important questions, and a very useful exercise. 

I found a good website, which was interesting, but it also had links to other topics. So when I had finished reading the article I ended up clicking on a link and found this site:

http://etiquette.about.com/od/Manners/tp/How-To-Answer-Rude-Questions.htm

So I read it and realised that I have found myself in this position quite a few times and I am always stumped. Firstly I'm usually baffled that a person can actually think to ask the question, and then I either blurt out an answer that I regret or just stand there like a fish gasping for air. To be honest, I never used to think that the person was being rude in asking the question, but more confused as to how I should answer. This is because I am an incredibly private person with people I don't know very well, and so would never dream of asking those question myself, so I have not considered how one would answer. 

I thought that perhaps if I found this article useful other people would as well. So I have literally copied and pasted it. If you like it, please go the above link. 

How to Answer Rude Questions

Respond to Nosy People With Grace

 

By Debby Mayne

Etiquette Expert

• Etiquette
• Manners
• Teaching Etiquette
• Funeral Etiquette
• Business Etiquette

We've all been asked questions that are no one else's business. Although everyone slips up every now and then, some people seem to have a knack for always asking the rudest questions they can think of.

For times that you find yourself in the awkward position of being interrogated by a rude person, you need to arm yourself with some answers that will let him or her know that you consider the questions rude. There are several ways to handle these people: with the answer they are looking for, with a quippy comeback, or with a way of letting them know that you consider them boorish for asking such a question.

Certain rude questions tend to come up more frequently than others. Before you walk out the door, make the decision to maintain good manners and not be that nosy person. If you are on the receiving end, be prepared with answers that let the other person know what you think of his or her nosiness with as much poise as you can manage.

If you have children, start early and teach them questions not to ask. Most kids are naturally inquisitive, so direct them to more appropriate conversation.

Compassionate Eye Foundation/Justin Pumfrey/Digital Vision/Getty Images

1. How much money do you make?

This question about money is quite common, even though it is considered rude and nosy to ask. You have several options on how to deal with it. Your answer will be different if the person asking is a coworkerthan if the question is coming from someone sitting next to you on an airplane.

The simplest answer is to say that you never discuss money with anyone but your spouse. Most people will accept that, but others who are extremely rude might press or insult you to get their answer. Don’t fall for it.

Another thing you might do is answer with a quippy, “Enough to pay my bills and have a little fun,” or “Not nearly enough to do everything I’d like to do.”

2. Are you still single?

Many single men and women in their late twenties and early thirties have heard this one. It’s a question generally asked by a well-meaning relative or close friend who wants you to be happy. However, hearing it over and over will make you anything but happy.

If you are still single, tell the person that you haven’t found someone you want to spend your life with, but if you ever do, you’ll get the word out to everyone who needs to know.

3. Have you gained (or lost) weight?

If the person comes out and asks, your weight change is probably obvious, and chances are you have put on (or lost) a few pounds or more. When someone comes right out and makes this terribly insensitive remark, smile and say, “I’m feeling wonderful. How about you?” That should get the point across that you don’t want to honor the rude question with an answer.

4. How much did you pay for that house?

Here is another money question that doesn’t deserve an answer. However, being the polite person you are, you might answer with something like, “I paid the going market value for houses in the neighborhood. It’s a very comfortable house that felt like home the minute I walked in the door.” Quickly change the subject to let the person know you are finished discussing house prices. If he or she still wants to know, the sale of a house is public record, and it can be found later on the Internet.

5. When is your baby due?

If you are pregnant, chances are you have announced it to everyone you want to know. Yet, there are times when women gain weight or wear certain outfits that make them appear pregnant when they haven’t gained an ounce.

You have several ways to respond to this rude question. You can say you’re not pregnant and let the person cower in awkwardness and embarrassment (considering, of course, the person is decent enough to be embarrassed), or you may give a date a few years away. When the rude person appears confused, say, “Bill and I thought we’d wait a couple of years before starting a family.” And then don’t wear that outfit again.

6. When do you plan to start a family?

Many newlyweds get asked this question. If a close friend or relative asks, you might want to give an honest answer. However, if the questioner is just a nosy busybody, say that the minute you said your wedding vows, you considered yourselves a family.

7. More rude questions

There is such an abundance of rude questions – and people who ask them – that you could spend all day thinking of answers and quips. Instead of wasting your valuable time, have a few standard replies that work in a variety of situations.

Here are some examples of how to respond:

• ”Why would you ask such a rude question?”
• ”I have a policy not to discuss that topic with anyone it doesn’t concern.”
• Pause, smile, and say, “Did you really just ask me that?”
• ”I’m not even touching that topic. Let’s talk about something else.
• ”Do you realize how rude that question is?”
• Take a step back to gain some personal space and say, ”I’m not going to answer that question.”

Self-employed? Do you have a pension fund?

I am so blessed to have people in my life who have been so great in advising me how to look after money. It's my husband, mostly, who is incredible at helping with these things. Life after a full-time job means NO PENSION fund. So you leave your job and you get your pension payout. As tempting as it may be to want to live off that money, especially not knowing if you are going to be getting any the next month, I was advised to immediately put that money into my own 'pension fund' savings. Apparently I can't teach music 'till I'm 90!?

In fact people are retiring earlier and earlier these days, and in truth 65 is a long time away. I'm sure by that time, know one will be hiring granny for that cocktail gig. My hearing won't be as sharp for teaching and I might just be tired of telling kids to use their left hand on top of the recorder instead of their right. Not to mention other potential things that can go wrong in life, not to be negative, but life can be expensive (and it's not getting any cheaper), and not having provisions for your future can make life difficult when you get there.

So, my questions to you, if you are working for yourself are: do you have some sort of pension fund or shares? Have you got some kind of medical aid or hospital plan? Because even though you might think it's costly to have those things now, it will make your life a whole lot less stressful when you need them. 

I have been currently living from month to month this year, because I have not known if I would earn enough to cover the expenses I was paying for last year. While my husband works full-time, we have a bond to pay, and the knock of a salary can be quite stressful when you aren't sure if you are going to make it through the school holiday months. I'm not moaning here, God has been good to us, it's just that I know that it is not always easy to save if you aren't getting a little 'extra' every month. I'm just trying to point out that if you are not thinking about your future, even just putting away a R100 a month (or more or less), then maybe you need to get on with it! 

Disclaimer: Please note that the picture in this blog does not belong to me.

Not Music!

I have been doing a lot of crocheting while my students have been doing their exams. Mostly because it is much easier than knitting or any other craft I have ever tried, and I have come to find incredibly therapeutic. I won't bore you with all the things I have been making, but it has been so wonderful to finally have a hobby. Being a musician, whether you are playing or teaching, you are constantly thinking about music, playing music or singing music. It's everywhere. It means that my mind never seems to really rest, except when I'm sleeping. I usually sleep incredibly well and my thoughts during the day are all over the place. I'm usually thinking of about 40+ things at the same time, but since I started crocheting, I find that my thoughts are more focused and clear. Oddly enough I haven't been sleeping very well since then. Any way, I'm not really bothered about sleep, doesn't seem to be affecting me during the day. 

On Wednesday I popped in to the school at where I used to teach. It was so lovely to see some of the teachers again and so incredibly strange at the same time. They all said I looked so relaxed and they all reminded me that they were busy wrapping up the term with writing up reports. Not that I really need to be reminded of how hectic this time of year is for teachers, I see it at the school where I am now, but it is amazing how quickly we forget. This time last year, and the two years before that I was in the same position as all of them. Now, I can honestly say that I do not miss doing that or any of the stress or pressure that comes with it. In fact, I have been enjoying having more time and not feeling like I am always on the go.

I don't think that I am a person who can ever really feel bored. I am quite a busy body and always have different things on the go, but it really is so wonderful to feel that I can do other things without feeling guilty about it. Why, because I am not procrastinating by not doing the things that I want to do. In fact, quite the opposite. While we are certainly feeling a bit of a financial pinch, it is so worth it and the freedom has allowed my creative spirit to reunite again. :-)

Hopefully some encouragement for you today is that sometimes we just have to let go of things that we think are important and go where our heart longs to be.