The Music World

My Brother's Beauty

Last weekend I went to Durban to spend time with my brother, who is a horse veterinarian. I discovered that almost the whole area of where he stays and works is surrounded by horses. Now, you must understand that while my brother grew up riding horses and doing first-aid (aka stitching people up) I grew up dancing every day and playing music. In other words, I know very little about horses. Having a terrible allergic reaction while being around horses once as a child did little for my lack of desire to ride one. 

Anyway, it was great watching my brother bandage a horse's leg, see him take his horse to her first training 'show', meet other people who share his affection for horses and not have a chronic attack while being in the presence of the horses (I do have to take allergy tablets and nasal spray every day of my life, so that might have had something to do with this).

This experience reminded me of a question I often ask myself; "Am I really meant to be in the music industry?" I know that teaching is a great thing, and I love it, but I'm still not performing as much as I would like to and, in truth, I don't practise enough. So, I often think, maybe I'm not hungry enough. Maybe I only think it's what I want. Like I am obsessed with the idea, but not willing to 'man-up' and do the work. Maybe all my attempts to start my own bands were not done with enough commitment on my part? 

Then, I sometimes think that if I was 10kilos lighter and 2 heads taller I would have naturally chosen ballet as my career path. I truly loved it, and I don't think I was too bad at it either. In fact I was just getting to have my confidence up (or I started to not care what others thought of me any more) when I had to quit. Cold Turkey. Because it was starting to consume so much of my time (along with a few other things that happened in my life at that stage) and I had to choose. Well, I was already studying music so that was the obvious choice. But I chose it. Nobody else. My parents have always supported me, but it was wholly my decision. While I have missed dancing and have gone for a few odd classes over the years, I have since never felt particularly lead to go back and take it up as a career.

Then, while in Durban, I observed the 'horse world' and realised that I never had a desire to ride horses like brother did, or be a vet. At one stage I thought I wanted to study medicine, but after doing my job-shadowing, I realised that was not for me either.

Put no one pushed me through my degree, no one 'made me do it'. My friends and family supported me, but no one said 'this is what you must do'. There must be a reason that I have been teaching music since my 3rd year at college and have had teaching jobs ever since. I have loved learning as I teach. I love getting to meet different personalities and understanding how they learn. I love seeing a students face when 'the penny has dropped'. I treasure those light-bulb moments. 

And so after all of this brain-hurting thinking, toing and froing, I realised that I am exactly where I need to be. I have never been happier in my job situation than I am now, and it has only been just over 3 months. I've got the rest of my life to keep pursuing my dreams. And helping others do the same in the process is quite fulfilling.